


Explorations in Custom

by Azhwi, LosttotheHoping



Series: Marriage via Wine [1]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Humour, Japanese Culture, M/M, Marriage, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2017-12-26 10:56:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azhwi/pseuds/Azhwi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LosttotheHoping/pseuds/LosttotheHoping
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel knows all about miscommunication. But usually what happens offworld doesn't follow them home. This disaster though? Is all Jack's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Little Too Far There, Jack

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LosttotheHoping](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LosttotheHoping/gifts).



> Azhwi: This... this is a silly little thing that we started because we both love SG-1. And well, why not?

A man knew his career had taken a twist for the strange, when it was actually a relief to see the team’s male translator and honorary geek decked out in a _dress_. What caused Jack’s brows to quirk, however, was the sight of Teal’c similarly outfitted.

“Do I want to know?”

Daniel blinked at him, and then looked down at himself. He sighed. “This isn’t what you think it is, Jack,” he muttered. “They were insistent.” He brushed away imaginary wrinkles for a beat, before cringing and looking up again. “These are kimono—uh, the people here seem to have taken after Asian cultures. Specifically, the Japanese.”

Head cocked, the leader stood scrutinizing the various layers that were wrapped around their main muscle man. “That’s nice and all, Daniel,” he said dismissively, then, “Can you even lift your arms?” he skeptically asked the Jaffa.

In answer, Teal’c raised his free arm—the one not holding his Ma’Tok staff—and then dropped it. “Movement is not an issue,” he deadpanned. “It seems to have been designed with that in mind.”

Daniel made a face and shook his head. “Probably,” he muttered, and glanced around. “Where’d Captain Carter go?”

Like he couldn’t keep track of his own team members. “She went to the little lady’s room,” Jack drawled, swinging around to regard Daniel. “You two took a while.” He blinked when he realized the blond’s hair was actually... combed. And shiny. “What, they spit shined you too?”

Shaking his head, Daniel just sighed. “I couldn’t refuse, you know. It’d be rude, and they _did_ just help us out of a potentially sticky situation.” He patted the front of the wrap-around garment. “Besides, they’re gifts, very precious gifts. This kimono alone would have caught quite a price on the market, and they’re just... giving it to us.”

“Huh, well I hope you got that in writing, buddy—that we _all_ can understand,” Jack intoned, waving a hand at the rest of the room. “I need you to get us back home, now. Before someone else throws a fit about how I bow.”

The linguist actually looked _disappointed_. “Oh,” he sighed.

xXx

Somehow, Daniel just wasn’t surprised to find himself in this situation. Though, it _was_ a bit of a nice change to watch Jack suffer. “Enjoying yourself?” the archaeologist couldn’t help asking as Jack sipped obliviously at the ceremonial wine.

To the man’s credit, the colonel froze—with a mouthful of alcohol. To Daniel’s further delight, Jack swallowed before turning his head. “Maybe... Why?”

Daniel smiled in thanks when one of the women offered him a glass of juice. “Oh, no reason... Mr. Groom,” he replied, trying to keep a straight face and mostly failing.

The jug-head blinked once, then groaned. “You’re kidding me, right?” Slapping a hand over his eyes, Jack peeked through them at the feast surrounding the two SG members. “Was it the pie? I bet it was the pie. Or maybe the custard.”

“Uh, no, thanks,” Daniel said, shaking his head quickly when an amused girl tried to offer him the wine. She didn’t seem too upset, but that might be because she was plotting Jack’s untimely marriage to her sister. “The wine, Jack.”

Tilting the glass still in his hand, Jack wrinkled his nose. “And you didn’t tell me...”

Snickering, Daniel shrugged. “Well, in my defense, by the time I noticed, you were already drinking.”

“Uh huh. So, how do you even know _whom_ I’m betrothed to?”

“Which one handed it to you?” Daniel asked. “It is up to her to make the offer, as a... a symbol of trust and knowledge. She finds you to be the kind of man she seeks for in a husband and father of her children.” He was _loving_ this. _Teach him to gripe at me about those kimono._

Both of Jack’s eyebrows had shot up. “How is that ‘knowledge’?” he asked. “I didn’t know what she was doing, and there’s no way she can assume... You know what? I think I have a better idea.”

Taking a deep draught of the wine, Jack emptied the entire glass. Then tossed said cup into the linguist’s hands. Daniel caught it of course, but when he looked up to reprimand the oaf for potentially shattering a priceless item, Jack... was right in his face.

“Uh—Jack, wait, what are you—”

One brown brow quirked, and then Jack was pressing his lips to Daniel’s... and the wine was leaking through.

 _Sunovabitch_ , Daniel thought as, to his mortification, there was a series of stifled giggles around them. And Jack was kissing him. And wine. And— _Oh god, he just—_

Daniel cut that thought off with a surprised flail. He jerked back and nearly fell over, if not for the grinning idiot’s grip on his bicep. “Jack! Did you—do you have _any_ idea what you just—?!” And more outraged/surprised/disbelieving flails from Daniel followed this. “JACK!”

Smug didn’t even begin to describe the man’s expression. He fairly _radiated_ contentment. “I’m keeping the marriage within our own culture,” Jack announced. He shrugged at the two girls pouting at the other side of the table. “Sorry ladies.”

“Did you have to _friggin’ kiss me_?” Daniel hissed under his breath, incensed. Jack was such a cop-out sometimes!

The cause of this _disaster_ turned to give the blond a pitying look. “Buddy... CPR has more tongue than that. That wasn’t a kiss.” One corner of his wine-stained lips tilted up. “Besides, I figured this was much more direct and looks like a prior claim. I can’t be betrothed to two people.” Jack blinked. “I hope.”

Scowling as he wiped at his mouth, Daniel shook his head. “They’re monogamous,” he replied irritably. “And you’re a _jerk_.”

Reaching forward, Jack plucked the wine glass from Daniel’s grasp and returned it to the table, standing defiantly between their plates. “And why am I a jerk, hmm?”

“As if you don’t know,” the archaeologist huffed, crossing his arms. “You could have just asked how to turn them down, you know. I’m sure you’re not the first foreigner they’ve come across. You didn’t have to use me as your shield.”

Again those eyebrows had risen. Shaking his head, Jack sighed and lightly tapped a palm to the back of the blond’s head. “I’ve never used you as a shield. I’m just... stating my preferences.” Shrugging, the air force man turned away from Daniel’s gaping jaw. “But, like you said, feel free to turn me down.”

A beat, and then a groan. “You delight in making my life difficult, don’t you?” the other man may have muttered. Daniel paused again, and got an amusing idea. Very calmly, he reached for the wine, winked at the curiously watching girls (somehow, he got the feeling that they’d expected refusal on Jack’s part—otherwise they’d be more upset), and filled the glass. He took a sip and set it next to Jack’s elbow. “I accept.”

For a moment, there was no movement. Then Jack chuckled. He picked up a pair of chopsticks, fumbled at a piece of meat and lifted the whole arrangement up. “And we are two adults, who fully know what we are doing?” he asked, gaze firmly planted on the morsel above his plate.

“One of us more than the other, obviously,” Daniel retorted, amused, and bowed slightly under the curious stares.

Jack hummed. “Good to know,” he murmured, then swung around to offer the tidbit just before Daniel’s nose. Grinning, he watched as the linguist blinked. “Eat up, you’ll need your strength for the explaining we have to do between now and shut eye.”

Making a face at him, Daniel lifted a hand and quickly accepted the meat. One of these days, he was going to be able to walk away with the upper hand. One of these days.

xXx

“I don’t understand.” Blonde brows scrunched in confusion. “You two... are _married_?”

This debriefing had to be the best one yet, Jack decided, leaning back in his chair. “Yup.”

Giving the smug man a disgusted look, Daniel hastened to explain. “Well, the people there were quite enamored with him. One of the women wanted to marry him, and by the time I realized what was up... well, he’d almost accepted. We probably could have found less insulting ways of smoothing things over, but... that _did_ end up being the path of least resistance.”

And now Teal’c was giving them—or more specifically, Jack—an odd look. “And they were not upset?”

“Nope,” the colonel preened. “I think I managed that one quite well actually.”

“Indeed,” the Jaffa replied flatly. Which was just Teal’c-talk for being utterly baffled by the whole situation.

Hammond was giving them both a very unimpressed look. “Given that Dr. Jackson is technically a civilian, I really can’t intervene in... whatever this is,” he said slowly. “Just... don’t let it interfere with work, whatever it is you both do from here on out.”

Now it was Jack’s turn to be confused. “You mean...” He rocked forward, letting his hands rest on the table in front of him. “Er, yes sir.” Honestly, he thought the whole thing would be discarded as playing along with the locals. It wasn’t the first time they had to fudge something.

Daniel was nodding quickly, and had apparently decided that he needed to redirect the conversation. “Right, well, anyway, it seems the team made a good impression. They’re quite willing to ally themselves with us, and they have several advantages to their way of life that would be good for trade. So, mission a success, I think.”

“It would seem they are in fear of the Goauld,” Teal’c piped up. “They were not subtle about their desire for assistance against them.”

“Not subtle at all,” Jack added. “Actually, we think that’s why I was proposed to in the first place. Securing relations. The groom provides for the bride.” He snorted. “They were sneaky about the actual proposition though. At least to _me_.” He glared at the geek.

Reaching out to grab his bottled water off the table, Daniel bit back a smirk and pretended not to see the look. Hammond sighed. “Well, as long as they’re truly receptive to alliance, I see no reason not to set about negotiations.”

Daniel choked on his water. “Oh, right!” he coughed, and paused a beat. _Wrong pipe_. “Uh, they don’t speak much English, so whatever embassador you choose to be the go-between, they should know Japanese. That’s the, uh... main language spoken there, at least in the area we stayed in.” Pause. “There’re also giant spiders, just... so you know.”

Hammond did a double-take at that. “Giant....?”

“Spiders.” The archaeologist waved an arm dismissively. “The locals are pretty on top of it. They treat them like pests—like we treat raccoons and rodents. They even have developed pesticides for them. It’s really rather remarkable...”

“Geek boy there found out that the locals have an extensive library of antivenoms. Enough that Australia would be jealous,” Jack said, shrugging. “Also, their leg guards are tougher than kevlar.”

Looking impressed, Hammond leaned back in his chair. “Antivenoms and leg guards. Sounds promising,” he admitted. “Is there anything else of note, or that needs to be noted about the land? I expect that Dr. Jackson _will_ get me a detailed report on their customs within the week...”

Sheepishly, Daniel ducked his head in a nod at the subtle rebuke. “Yes, sir. I will,” he assured the general quickly. “And no, nothing else I can think of to note...”

“Good. You’re all dismissed, then,” Hammond replied.

A random thought wriggled its way into his mind as Jack snapped a salute. A different way of looking at his situation. Waiting as the others cleared the room, he cleared his throat. “Uh, sir?”

Getting to his feet, the general lifted both brows. “What is it, Colonel?”

“Seeing as it’s a good bet they’ll be allies...” Jack shifted his weight. “What are the chances of representatives visiting?”

Those brows climbed higher, and it may have been Jack’s imagination, but the old man actually looked like he was _laughing_. “I’d say it’s pretty fair,” he replied. “They’re bound to be curious about our world, and if we’re wandering all around theirs... not to mention that here at base is a decently secure location, which we’ll need for drawing up agreements.” Pause. “Why?”

That random thought quickly morphed into a dreadful feeling with claws. “According to their culture, I’m a married man, sir,” he answered. “According to our culture, I’m not...” Watching the other man’s face, Jack sighed. “You’re going to tell me that it’s the thought that counts, aren’t you?”

Hammond snorted. “I’m going to tell you that it’s your own mess, and you know where Dr. Jackson is so you can talk to him in depth about how you’re going to keep these people from being offended by us.” He smirked. “Good luck, Colonel.”

Well... it seemed like a good idea at that time. And Daniel had a smirk then that just begged to be wiped off. “Thank you, sir,” he replied before saluting again and taking his leave.

Danny was going to _love_ this.

If he was lucky, maybe there was a spider that could spin back time, but Jack doubted it.

xXx

Daniel was already working on the requested report when Jack found him an hour later. On a nearby table was a tray of food that was almost cold, and was untouched, and the linguist was elbow-deep in stacks of papers and books. He went back and forth between them a few times, jotting down notes, for several minutes before he must have sensed Jack’s presence.

His head lifted, and the blond blinked. “Oh, Jack, hi,” he said, and almost immediately ducked his head again. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in. I was just...” He trailed off, brow wrinkling as he reached over his desk and snagged a packet from the back corner to compare with what was in front of him. “Just... um, working...”

Snorting, the colonel lifted up the tray of congealing potatoes and gravy and something they considered poultry meat, and plunked down a fresh-made burger. With all the fixings. So fresh, you could smell the grease still cooking.

And even Daniel couldn’t resist that smell. “Oh right,” he said, remembering that he’d been supposed to eat. He blinked up at the older male. “Is that for me?”

Jack rolled his eyes. “No, I’m here to tempt you with my dinner. Yes, Daniel, it’s for you.”

“Sorry,” the archaeologist said sheepishly, and gestured vaguely toward the only other chair in the room. “Thanks.” He set some of the work carefully aside and dug in.

Honestly, he wasn’t even thinking of anything until the hiss of a beer can jarred him from the heaven that was his second bite of beef. The can in question was set on the desk—on a _coaster_ —just beside his plate.

“... thanks,” Daniel said, picking it up and giving Jack an odd look. _He’s being strange. Why is he being strange?_

Gaze skipping around everywhere but at Daniel, the colonel seemed to be cataloguing all the nearby items on the desk and the shelves around the linguist. “You’re welcome.”

 _Okay, that’s it_. Daniel slowly set down the beer and the burger, and sat back into his seat. “Alright, out with it.”

One calloused hand came up to rub through short hair as Jack looked away. “Could you... define marriage for me?”

So that’s what this was about. “You mean, as the people of P4X-256 see it?” he asked, brows arching.

At that, the older man grimaced and grunted. “Yeah.”

Bemused, but more than willing to feed the other man’s curiosity, Daniel shrugged. “Um, well, like any other marriage, I guess. The people there seem to work under gender roles, but that’s nothing new. Generally, the women are master of the house, and the men are breadwinners, or warriors. The men have some say when it comes to the welfare of those under their roof, but ultimately, the women run the show behind closed doors...”

He frowned and sat back. “I guess, it comes off as an even trade... er, if you want to know something more specific, just ask it.” He wasn’t a mind reader, and Jack looked damned uncomfortable.

“Specifics, huh?” Jack glanced down at the floor, before raising and meeting Daniel’s gaze. “Public roles, then. Same-sex marriages. General says we might be having reps coming over eventually.”

 _Blink_. “Oh,” Daniel muttered, understanding dawning. “ _Oh_.” He smacked his palm to his forehead, narrowly missing his glasses. “ ** _Oh_**.” He dropped his hand, then lifted it to tug off his glasses and clean them, a nervous habit that he’d had forever. “Oh, um... uh, well... I... I don’t know...” Was it just him, or was it hot all of a sudden? “I mean, they’ll assume... um... oh... Well, people fall into roles... naturally... Because...” It was definitely too hot. “And all... They’ll just expect it from us, and...”

And _oh god_ , why didn’t he think about this? _I’m an **idiot**_. “Oh, and they might even be _curious_... About our customs, I mean.” But that was an eventuality that he just had to plan for... though _how_ , he had no idea.

“Breathe, Daniel.” As the blond sucked in air, Jack continued. “I know we said it was a marriage in the briefing, but you said it was more a betrothal right?” One brow was raised. “So... would we fall in the ‘date has been set’ stage or the courting phase?”

 _Right. Steps._ “Um, the... the ‘date has been set’,” Daniel replied, and sighed.

“Thought so,” Jack muttered and slumped down into the chair. “Can we keep the ambassadors from getting hold of our marital statuses?”

“Their people? Probably,” Daniel replied. “Ours?” He shrugged helplessly.

Smiling ruthlessly, the man across from him tilted his head up to regard the ceiling. “At least this time, I’m married to someone I know,” he said lightly. “The good thing is, our status has no impact on our professional lives. So they can’t expect us to act like teenagers in public.” Jack’s head back down to regard Daniel. “Right?”

“They’ll expect us to want our privacy,” Daniel reassured the other man. “That’s not to say they won’t ask questions anyway, but we do have some leeway—well. With the foreigners....” He didn’t need to say how bad things would get if, say, _Ferretti_ were to hear about this.

From the way Jack’s left eye was ticking, he got the subtext. “So we can come clean and step on a few toes; bring the entire base into the lie and really risk the alliance and hope no one slips up—don’t give me that look, I know it’s not likely; or we make this as authentic on both sides as possible...” Lifting his hands, he leaned back in the chair. “Hey, I’m willing to hear your ideas too!”

Daniel grimaced. “It’s just... I really don’t like the thought of... of deceiving...” He ran a hand through his hair. “I mean, you saw how much they poked and prodded us after that. We may not have accepted their women, but we accepted their _way of life_ , which is pretty much the same thing politically. And if we were to turn around and say ‘oh but we didn’t mean it’, then that’d be a damper on trust—how can they take us seriously?”

At this point, he was mostly rambling to himself, to be honest. “I just... I honestly don’t know...” He paused and shook his head, backtracking abruptly. “Not—not that there’s anything _wrong_ with—er... you,” he added lamely.

 _Right. Stop babbling._ He huffed out a sigh, brows furrowing as he thought about it. “Honestly? I... don’t really _have_ any better ideas.”

The beer can made a second appearance, being firmly slid forward. “Take a swig,” Jack advised. “So option ‘come clean’ is a no go. Same as bringing the whole mountain in on the joke... which means...” Jack broke off with a self-deprecating laugh. “Why didn’t you just refuse my proposal?”

Daniel huffed and picked up the beer. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “Caught up in the moment, I guess.” He took a couple gulps and set it down. “This means we’re going to have to get married, doesn’t it?”

Snickering, Jack slapped a palm over his eyes. “And there’s nothing the brass can do to stop us,” he added half-hysterically.

“Could be worse,” Daniel reasoned between drinks. “I could be Ferretti.”

Jack’s expression was pretty much priceless.


	2. Names in the Ledger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to meet the altar, boys. And everything that comes with it.

“I don’t care what you call that. It’s a _dress_ to _me_.”

Jack was backed up into a corner, a delegate from one planet at the door and a representative of his local religion standing further away down the hall at the actual church/temple/ _whatever not important_. Daniel, however, was right in front of him. Holding _that_.

“It’s a kimono,” Daniel corrected irritably. “And it’s traditional. We got engaged their way, I don’t see why we shouldn’t wed their way too. And before you say anything else, the general agrees with me. It’d be a fantastic opportunity to further the alliance between us and them. Now put. It. On.”

Desperate, Jack flailed. “Shouldn’t there be a balance to this?” He pointed at the multi-layered, multi-hued, embroidered fabric that swathed his... fiancé from chin to cold floor. “ _You_ can represent their needs and _I_ can keep my dignity and represent our method of protection.” He waved at his own self which was covered in his freshly pressed uniform with all his various decorations. “You really didn’t think I brought this out just to argue with, did you?”

Looking frustrated, Daniel turned away. “I can’t believe you,” he was complaining. At a query—in another friggin’ language—from the man at the door, the blond huffed and shook his head. “No, no, uh... I’ll... handle it.” He waved the man off and turned back toward Jack, eyes narrowed thoughtfully.

If the wall wasn’t in the way... Ah hell, maybe he should discard all hope and start climbing it. _What I wouldn’t do for a door right now_. “Uh... Please let me keep my clothes?” Wouldn’t hurt to ask... would it?

“What about a compromise?” Daniel asked, brows lifting. “You can wear your medals with it.”

Easing down a little, Jack frowned. “They don’t exactly have lapels or …” How could he explain that the whole ensemble was his own image? Daniel slid into different clothing like he spouted different languages. With ease and barely a flicker of an eye. Jack knew one language and wore one type of clothing. Well... three: fatigues, blues, and civilian. But it was all still American!

Brows furrowing sharply, Daniel held the kimono up again. “That doesn’t matter. They can be put on the obi. The belt.”

Sighing, Jack relented. He’d worn his dress uniform for funerals plenty of times, maybe it _should_ be different for a marriage. “Alright, alright. You sure you know how to put that thing on me? Cuz I don’t have a clue.”

“Yes, yes, of course!” the linguist said, visibly relieved. “Of course.” He paused, blinked, and turned his head. All it took was a look for the man in the door to get the idea, and he stepped out. “Alright. Strip,” Daniel continued once the door was closed.

Heaving one more sigh, the older man began unbuttoning. “Thank God, I didn’t go commando today,” Jack muttered.

Daniel blinked at him. And turned faintly red. “Oh right,” he said, like he’d just remembered that normal human thing called modesty. He cleared his throat and shook his head as he opened the kimono. He held it out so Jack could slide it on once he was done.

“Or do I get to keep my pants on?” the man asked hopefully, raising his head to give Daniel puppy eyes as he shouldered out of the heavy jacket and draped it over a chair. “How about shoes?”

“You’ll be wearing hakama and tabi and geta,” Daniel replied. “It’s uh... the hakama are pants, and the tabi are those two-toed socks you see in television, and the geta are wooden sandals.”

Giving the hard platform ‘shoes’ a skeptical look, Jack shook his head. “How were ninjas considered sneaky if they had to run in those?”

Daniel shot him a disappointed look. “They didn’t. They wore waraji, or similar shoes,” he replied. “They were made out of straw, not wood like these.”

The pleading expression Jack angled for was clearly a ‘and I’m not getting those because...?’ look.

“No,” Daniel said. “Just no. You can play ninja some other time. _Not_ when we’re getting married.”

“Samurai?”

The archaeologist could glare when he wanted to. “Jack...”

Chuckling, he let his pants drop. “Fine, but if I trip, I’m taking you down with me.”

Brow twitching, Daniel held the kimono up pointedly. “Too late,” he retorted, but it wasn’t angry. “Now hurry up. You take longer than any girl I’ve ever met.”

Letting out a whistle, Jack rolled his eyes. “And you’re the first to want me out of my clothes just to get into more layers.” His socks were tossed under the chair that now sported the slacks as well as the jacket and pressed white shirt.

“Yes, well, it’s tradition,” Daniel snapped, and helped Jack pull the kimono on. Over the next twenty or so minutes, they got him dressed successfully with only one snag. And a lot of bickering.

Finally, the linguist stepped back and looked Jack up and down approvingly. “You look nice in it, if that helps.” Pause. “ _Very_ nice.” Was that surprise in his tone?

Sniffing, Jack cocked a hip. “It doesn’t make me look fat?” He _nearly_ managed to keep his voice level.

Smiling faintly, Daniel shook his head. “What a girl,” he accused mildly, then blinked. “Oh right, your medals.”

“Says the man in twice the amount of pretty cloth,” Jack quipped back. “Huh. Teal’c was right; they aren’t that bad to move in. A bit breezy though,” he observed aloud as he began pulling decorations off his uniform.

There was a brief pause during which Daniel didn’t answer, and when Jack finally glanced up, the other man was thoughtful. “I like the garb,” he said softly. “I ah... I actually picked that specifically for you. Lighter fabrics and all...” He looked strangely embarrassed.

Stalling at the implications, Jack grasped for a response. Calling the blond a girl would be justified, but not exactly original. Finally he straightened, and actually took a moment to judge the clothes that he wore. It wouldn’t be something he’d pick out for himself, that was a given, but if he had a choice... the dark blue fabric and the white under kimono was not that far from his regular blues. And other than some stiffness on account of the belt, it _was_ comfortable to move in. More so than his regular blues. The shoes were damned awkward though.

“I wouldn’t want to hide in a bush with this on,” Jack said slowly, meeting Daniel’s eyes, “but it is nice... for a dress.” As the blond’s brows drew down, the colonel continued. “It fits well, movement’s good, the shoes suck. Wait... Is _this_ why you stole my spare set of clothing three weeks ago?”

Daniel cleared his throat and shrugged sheepishly. “I had to get the right measurements,” he replied.

Mouth open, finger lifted, Jack paused. Well... no, he wouldn’t have gone for measurements. Not if he thought he could avoid it... “You sneaky ninja,” he said instead.

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Ready?” the blond asked with a smirk.

The groom gave the other groom a level look. “Nope. I still have eight more of these suckers to pin on. Feel free to help,” he added slapping four different medals into Daniel’s empty hands.

“How have you _ever_ managed on your own?” was the irritable grumble, even as the darker-haired man obeyed.

Making a face at his soon-to-be-partner, Jack grumbled, “If you recall, I was ready to go when you said, ‘No’.”

Daniel jabbed him in the side with a finger. “That wasn’t ready, that was whining like a little kid.”

“Nah, that was me making one last-ditch effort to keep my pants on. Something I thought I would never say,” Jack replied with a grin. “I’m done here; you?”

Pinning the last in place, Daniel nodded and took a step back. He eyed Jack critically before apparently deciding it was good enough. “Alright.” He paused, taking a slow breath. “Alright.” He offered Jack a wan smile.

“Hey.” Lifting a hand, Jack grasped his friend’s shoulder. “I’m not demanding a life-long marriage here. We can always introduce our new allies to the concept of divorce after a few months. Or however long it takes for you to get abducted again.”

“Wha—again? I—” Daniel’s mouth snapped shut and he scowled. “You’re a _jerk_.”

“Or missing,” Jack teased. “Or lost. Look at it this way, since I’m the one with a higher pay bracket, you get half my monetary worth when we split.”

The younger man threw up his arms. “That is completely not the _point_ , Jack,” he replied, exasperated. “Also, I’m not interested in your _money_. Money has _never_ mattered to me, beyond being a means to an end—and good god, if we don’t get moving, we’ll be late to our own wedding.”

Laughing full out now, Jack pushed Daniel towards the door. “We can’t be late; they won’t start without us.” As they passed through the door, he grinned at the similarly clad priest. “And it’s just _down the hall_ , you geek.”

Daniel let himself be pushed along, though he was pouting for a good portion of the way. “I just don’t want to be late. It’s _rude_ ,” he replied. “Manners are very big with these people, Jack!”

“And very important to you too,” the other man replied. “Yes, I know.” After a few more steps, he stopped pushing and instead moved to walk beside Daniel. “And, yes, I know money isn’t the point,” he murmured softly. “However, it would make it easier to get those stone slabs you’ve been eyeing for the past two months.”

Perking up at that, Daniel smiled faintly. “Huh.” It was a thoughtful sort of sound. “I really think they could be—”

“Meso-potamus or whatever,” Jack interrupted. “You are not going to enter the temple while talking about someone else’s long dead rocks.”

“Mesopotamian. And they’re not ‘long dead rocks’,” was the predictable protest, and then a sigh. “Oh, you’re right. We have to _focus_ right now. Focus. Yes.” Pause. “You know, last time I got married, I wasn’t even on Earth.”

Grimacing, Jack sighed. “Last time I got married, I was in my own uniform, in the communal orgy room.”

Daniel just shook his head. “Your life is full of variety, let’s just leave it at that,” he replied, and drew to a stop outside the doors of the temple. He gulped loud enough that Jack could hear it, and drew a slow breath. “Alright.”

Telling his own nerves to shut-the-hell-up, Jack raised a brow at the linguist. “Why are you so jittery? You’re participating in a cultural exchange program.” Incidentally, Jack had just discovered that placing his hands inside the sleeves of the opposite arm made him appear tranquil as opposed to freaking out.

“Because, in case you _forgot_ , I’m getting _married_ ,” Daniel retorted under his breath. There was a brief pause, and he squared his shoulders. “Ready?” He reached up, hand on the door but not pushing yet. Stalling.

Straightening, Jack nodded. He reached out and put hand on the other door. “Yeah... Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if they had kept one of these doors locked? There’d be a fifty-fifty chance that one of us is going to enter with a bruised nose.”

Daniel chuckled, some of the tension easing. “It’d be you,” he replied smartly, and pushed the door open.

Giving the shorter man a surprised glance, Jack surreptitiously pushed at the door. It didn’t budge. _Sunovabitch_!

Sidestepping the locked wooden panel, he ignored the chortle from the priest behind him and followed in the archaeologist’s wake. _Well, at least he’s smiling_.

xXx

Several hours later, after the majority of those invited to the wedding had gone either off planet or to their on-planet homes/quarters/what-have-you, Daniel closed the door of the room. They were expected to spend at least tonight in the same suite attached to the temple, and he just didn’t feel like arguing. He’d been on his feet all night, moving all over the place after the main ceremony had been completed.

At least he’d gotten to see the look on Jack’s face when Teal’c informed him that he looked ‘very appropriately attired’, which is Teal’c speak for ‘dashing’. “Jack?” he called softly. His newly wedded husband had disappeared in this direction twenty minutes previously, claiming a headache. Daniel was pretty sure it was an ‘avoid as many politicians as possible’ headache, though. “You here?”

“Daniel?” Jack’s voice drifted over from further into the suite. “Uh... Hold on. I’m just in the bedroom getting changed.” There was a thump and a ‘Oh shit!’ “... I really hate those shoes.”

Amused, Daniel wandered in that direction. “You need help?” he asked, hesitating outside the door of the bedroom proper. Then he shook his head and nudged the door open, finding Jack fussing with the tie of his obi while trying to keep his pants from falling.

With a growl, the colonel shook his fingers free of the knot and glared at it. “I swear, these are nautical,” he grumbled, peering down. “There’s got to be a trick to it...”

The younger man approached. “Here, let me see,” he commanded, and didn’t wait for an affirmative before slapping Jack’s hands away and tugging at the knot. About half a minute later, he’d successfully untied it with a victorious sound in the back of his throat. “There.”

“Finally,” Jack breathed, gingerly stepping away from the vivid cloth. He lowered the hakama just long enough to get out of them, then draped the garment onto the bed. The haori and under kimono were quickly shrugged off and similarly laid out.

At Daniel’s raised brow, Jack shrugged, picking up a towel from a nearby chair. “Expensive cloth is a pain no matter if it’s a dress or a uniform.”

“Yeah,” the younger man replied, and hurried over to the closet in the corner. He unearthed a handful of hangers. “I’ll hang them up and put them in the closet. You going for a shower?”

Turning, he spotted Jack standing with a frown only two steps from the bed. “Jack?”

The taller man just grumbled and tossed the towel back on the chair. “I can take care of my own clothing, Daniel. Not like I can claim ignorance this time.” He nodded towards two kimono display stands along the far wall. “Our guests were very adamant that I know how to hang them.” He lifted up the haori. “Go ahead and strip. You’ve got to be warm under there.” Turning his back on the linguist, Jack walked over to the stands.

Bemused, but not about to turn down the help, Daniel nodded. “Okay,” he said slowly. “Um... are you alright? You seem... Tense.”

Shrugging one shoulder, Jack turned his head. “I just got married to a fellow that I’m pretty sure didn’t do it willingly.” He carefully draped the cloth over the bar and turned to face Daniel fully with a sigh. “And I’ve been told by my commanding officer and several politicians not to screw this up. Not to mention friends and coworkers who have told me the same thing for different reasons.” Giving the younger man a wry smile, Jack added, “Why am I the bad guy here?”

Surprised silence followed this miniature speech for all of a minute and a half before Daniel cracked up laughing so hard his face was red. And kept laughing for almost another five when Jack huffed and threw the towel at him.

Finally, he got a hold of himself, clutching his stomach and gasping for breath. “Seriously?” he asked. “Is that a legit question?” And then he abruptly calmed, annoyed at the rest of the implications. “And are you implying people are pretending I’m a damsel in distress?”

Brows lifted, Jack asked, “Did anyone go up to you and threaten to pull your prostate up through your nose if you pushed an advantage with me?”

Daniel frowned at that. “Who? _Why_?” he asked. “You’re not _that_ bad!”

“Yes, well... Strange weddings seem to bring out the best in people,” Jack muttered. He tossed the bright obi over the bar and seemed to deem it good enough, because he turned his back on the stands. “I’m going to take a bath. The tub here is just fucking huge.”

“You know, Jack,” Daniel said slowly, _thoughtfully_ , as he watched the other man stalk toward the bathroom. He smirked faintly. “You’re right. No one threatened _me_.” And hopefully the implication was obvious.

From the way Jack rolled his eyes and shut the door of the bathroom after his black-clad ass, no, it wasn’t obvious.

_Ah well. His fault_ , Daniel thought, amused and not a little exasperated by what he was sure was purposeful obtuseness. He’d just have to make sure Jack _stopped_ being oblivious.

But first—he had to put up the kimono he was wearing.

Fifteen minutes later, Jack was submerged to his nose in blessedly hot water. _Maybe if I had known this place had a tub, I would have proposed sooner_. It helped though, the heat and the calm, and the fact that he was out of those strange clothes and into something perfectly, happily, universal.

His agitated thoughts had calmed somewhat too. Yes, he was taller than Daniel. Yes, he was stronger too. And older. And meaner. It didn’t mean he was going to abuse Daniel. Dunking his head under the water, Jack let his ears adjust so that he could listen to the footsteps in the bedroom. _Where did people get that idea? And why so many_?

He snorted some air out through his nose, listening to them bubble to the surface. Sleeping tonight was going to be interesting. He wondered if Daniel was a cuddler. That would make the morning oh-so-very-awkward.

And speaking of awkward... The sound of Daniel’s footsteps had drawn closer, and Jack _might_ have just heard the door opening. And a voice, muffled due to the water in his ears.

Surfacing, Jack swiped water out of his eyes before looking up. “Say that again?” he asked the terry-cloth clad man standing two feet to his right.

“Oh, I just said you were right—it _is_ big.” Dark blue eyes shifted, and the corners crinkled slightly with a laughing smile. “I don’t suppose you’d be opposed to me joining you...”

The colonel blinked. Then blinked again before comprehension finally crawled in. “Right, um. Sure.” Communal showers weren’t a strange thing. Neither were soaks. _And as long as I don’t say something stupid, maybe I won’t have to drown myself_.

Daniel gave him an oddly knowing look before he shrugged out of his robe and climbed in without further ado. “That’s nice,” he murmured, settling in briefly with an appreciative smile.

Yup. Universal. Shutting down all manner of thought, Jack hummed and rested his head on the edge. Once the lapping of the water smoothed out, all he could hear was the humming of the mountain base and their breathing. It was very nice.

And for another ten minutes, it remained peaceful and relaxing. Then Daniel, as is inevitable (because he’s Daniel), opened his mouth. “So Jack, just curious...”

And Jack surfaced from his mental hibernation with a low grumble. “What?”

“I’m going to ask this, because I have to ask it before I can actually do anything—if I’m going to do anything, that is—but...” Daniel chuckled softly. “Are you actually interested or not? I keep getting cross vibes and it’s very frustrating, you know.”

Just on the verge of slapping a hand over the linguist’s mouth, Jack paused. He turned his head. He blinked. Inside his head, he kicked at his brain and demanded it to wake up and unravel whatever message had just been conveyed. “Define what is it that I am or am not interested in,” he deadpanned. For a linguist, Daniel was being vague.

“Me. Sex. You. Good enough, caveman?”

It was a very good thing that Jack was no longer submerged to just below his nose, or else his gaping mouth would have swallowed a lot of water. “ _Daniel_?”

Rolling his eyes, Daniel shrugged. “What? You were being obtuse. Very obtuse. _Purposely_ obtuse. And that’s not an answer.”

Sitting up, Jack tapped the side of his head with the heel of a palm. “Whatever I’m doing, it’s not on purpose,” he muttered. “And I’m trying to think of an answer that won’t have me drowning in the next minute.”

At that, the archaeologist frowned in confusion. “Why would you be _drowning_?” he asked skeptically.

Giving the other man a sheepish look, Jack grunted. “Never mind. So... You, sex, and me, huh?” A dead give-away twitched below the water level, but Jack told it to put all facilities on pause. “You had to put yourself in a bathtub with me before asking that?” Couldn’t have maybe brought this up when both of them were _clothed_ and _not married_?

“Yep.” Daniel nodded and smiled widely. “Higher chance of success.”

Blinking, Jack sent another kick at his brain. _I need translation here_! His brain promptly replied, _Additional information required_. He let out a groan. _No shit_. Considering how much blood was draining south of the belt line, he wasn’t surprised his top brain wasn’t functioning all that brilliantly. _Well, we’re married now... a divorce is going to be awkward either way, may as well make sure of it_.

“Uh... yes.”

“Sure you don’t want to think about it a bit more?” Daniel teased, and chuckled at Jack’s _look_.

“No, I don’t want to think about it any more,” he growled out. “Daniel, what the hell are you getting at?” Between the stifling heat of the water, the uncomfortable questioning, and his body’s obvious attention for the man not twelve inches away from him, Jack was dangerously close to calling the whole thing quits and walking pale-ass naked back to his own quarters.

The linguist’s expression softened slightly, and then he was shifting up onto his knees with a renewed grin. “How ‘bout I show you?”

xXx

The next morning probably dawned bright and early, but when you’re something like forty floors under a mountain, who knew what the weather was like outside. In any case, Jack didn’t know.

All he did know what that the nightstand drawer was mercifully stocked with small packets of lube and moist hand towels. The bed was perfectly alright to leave messed up. And the tub should probably be scoured.

The blankets were somewhere... and he had one pillow. The only pillow on the bed it seemed. Because his husband certainly didn’t have a pillow. Unless Jack’s chest counted.

He also hadn’t slept.

At least Daniel had.

Jack draped an arm over his eyes and announced to the world in general: “I don’t want to go to work today.”

There was a soft answering snicker at that, sleepy-sounding though it was. “Claim illness?” Daniel mumbled, but he wasn’t moving to get up.

The snort Jack gave jostled the blond’s head. “More like I can’t walk,” the older man retorted.

“Muscle failure, then,” Daniel replied. “You fell and you can’t get up.”

Raising one brow, the colonel gave the archaeologist an arch look. “Not just one fall, mister. I fell, and I fell, and I fell. Many times. For several hours. Want a demonstration?” He wrapped warm arms around Daniel’s shoulders and rolled them both so that he was straddling the shorter man.

Daniel made a muffled sound that was definitely interested, and smiled a bit sleepily up at Jack. “Maybe I do.”

“Tell you what, smart guy,” Jack leaned down and brushed a trail of light kisses down the linguist’s neck, “I’ll do a demonstration... and you think up an excuse that’s politically fancy enough to get us the day off.”

Shivering, the younger male ran his hands up Jack’s biceps. “Uhm... deal.”

Chuckling low in his throat, he swept a tongue over a hardening nipple before raising his head. “Start thinking then.”

“Crap,” was the breathless answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? You thought that Jack proposed without any interest what-so-ever? :D


	3. Pre-Mission Hiccups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright everyone, vacation's over; back to work!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NaNoWriMo is _over_! And in celebration, I'm finishing this off!
> 
> Aw, no. Don't cry. There's more after this. I'm just breaking this story into manageable chunks or else the *cough* can't say *cough* would get ridiculous.

Three days after the wedding, Teal’c finally decided to approach his friends.  Mostly, he was concerned.  The only time either of them had been seen since that night was once, when Daniel went to consult Frasier about stitches.  Apparently he’d cut his hand on a broken glass.

That had been the beginning of Teal’c’s concern, but he trusted Jack, and he was very fond of Daniel.  And he respected them both, so he’d refrained from poking into it.  However, the general was getting impatient, and Ferretti wasn’t nearly as personable a leader as Jack.  If one could get away with calling Jack personable, that was.

To be truthful, Teal’c missed them.  And he was worried.  So, at ten in the morning, he knocked on the door.  Inside, he heard a thunk, and a burst of laughter, followed by muffled cursing.  “ _Not funny!_ ” Daniel’s voice drifted out.  “ _Get the door, you jerk!_ ”

The familiar snicker drew near the door. “ _Why am I always the bad guy_?” was cheerfully shouted back as the locks unlatched.

“Because you’re a jerk!” Daniel shot back as it swung open and Teal’c quirked a brow.

“I am pleased to see you in good humor, Jack,” he said neutrally in greeting.

“Big guy!” the colonel returned with a wide grin. It was strange to see the man in anything but fatigues; Jack was wearing a plain black shirt and faded blue jeans. His feet were bare. “Come in! We’ve got popcorn somewhere... Daniel? Did you eat it all?”

Daniel, whom was dusting himself off, looked up with a frown.  “No, Jack,  _you_  did,” he replied.  Paused.  Grimaced.  “We did.”

Smiling faintly, the Jaffa nodded.  “I would be honored to accept your invitation, provided I am not... interrupting.”  He didn’t want to be an inconvenience, though experience told him that Jack rarely minded.

Rolling his eyes, Jack stepped back from the door and waved him in. “If you were, I wouldn’t be answering the door. Nah, we were just watching a movie. Hey! There’s an idea. Start the show from the beginning! Teal’c! Ever seen any of the Alien movies?”

“I do not believe so,” Teal’c replied, brows lifting again.  Alien movies?  “You have mentioned them before.  The name sounds familiar.”  He glanced around the room, amused as he watched Daniel quickly set about straightening a few things.  Not that it was  _messy_... but it was a bit cluttered, mostly with books and papers in one corner of the room.

The door closed behind him with a snap and the colonel was striding forward. “I guess my first question should have been: ‘do you have a few hours to spare?’ Because if you see the first one, you  _have_  to see the second. The third is optional.”

Teal’c returned his attention to his friend and commanding officer.  “I see.  I do have the time,” he agreed calmly.  “However, I also have a message from General Hammond.  He wishes to see the both of you tomorrow morning at o’eight hundred hours.”

“Oh!  Right,” Daniel said, sheepishly.  He set the bowl in his hand down on the table in the corner (in the only spot not covered in paper).

The older man only shrugged. “I guess the honeymoon is over then.” That said, he moved purposefully for the area designed for food preparation. “Anyone else want a beer?”

“Yes, please,” Teal’c replied, at the same time Daniel shook his head and said, “Not finished with mine, but thanks anyway.”

Head disappearing into the stainless steel fridge, Jack issued orders, “Take a seat, Teal’c. Relax. Ask Daniel about married life!” There may or may not have been a snicker tacked on at the end.

The Jaffa turned his gaze curiously onto the man in question.  To his amusement, Daniel’s face paled, and then flushed.  “Don’t.  Ask.”

Teal’c wasn’t about to argue.  He did, however, seat himself on the end of the couch, watching the two move around.  Daniel was now stacking the rest of the papers and books about the room onto the table in the corner, presumably so it didn’t look as cluttered.  And Jack was opening beers by the fridge.

In all the domestic movement, there was still, of course, the ever-present banter. “So what’s it like out there, Big Guy? Has Ferretti gotten himself shot in the ass yet?” the colonel asked as he returned, the necks of two brown bottles dangling from one hand as he balanced a bowl of peanuts in the other.

“The shoulder,” Teal’c corrected, accepting one of the beers with a nod of thanks.

“What—Is he okay?” Daniel asked, pausing in his fidgeting.

The Jaffa shrugged.  “It was superficial.”

Jack, too, was frowning as he handed over the bottle. “Anyone actually hurt and when did that happen?”

“On a mission last night,” Teal’c responded.  “No one else was injured.  We were ambushed by a group of Goa'uld on the planet we were investigating.”

Daniel finally set down his things and went to sit down on the other end of the couch, leaving the center for Jack.  “Oh.”

Swapping the peanuts for the remote control, Jack thudded down in the proffered spot. “Damnit... that’s probably why the meeting tomorrow morning.” With a grumble, the colonel pointed at the TV and clicked a few buttons. “I knew things were getting too easy lately.”

Smiling faintly, Daniel nudged him.  “You were getting stir crazy anyway,” he pointed out.  “It’s just as well.”

There was a snort and a hand wave at the piles of research heaped on the table. “Me? Nuh uh. You’re the one dragging your work in here.  _I’d_  be happy if I never saw another snake ever again.”

The colonel may say those words, but they all knew he was lying.

Daniel rolled his eyes, clearly telegraphing his disbelief.  “Uh huh.”

Eying them both, Teal’c smiled.  “It will be nice to have you both return to the field,” he offered.  “Captain Carter and I have missed you.”

That brought Jack’s head around. “You, I believe. Sam... she just wants to see for herself that I haven’t broken anything delicate,” he grumbled. “And just for the record, I’m not ignoring the emails from Fraser as much as I’m ignoring anything labeled ‘work’.”

“Fraser?” Daniel asked, blinking.  “You’ve been ignoring emails from the doctor?  Why?”  He looked baffled.

Teal’c said nothing, but from the way Jack shot him a silencing look, he didn’t need to.

“Labeled ‘ _work’_ , Daniel. If you haven’t noticed, I’m on vacation,” was the muttered reply. Jack lifted the remote with grim determination. “Now shut up and watch the movie.”

Smiling to himself, Teal’c pretended not to notice Daniel pinching his new husband, and peered at the screen as the credits began.

xXx

Amidst the sterile organized chaos that was her domain, Dr Fraser held near god-like authority, answerable only to the general and her moral code. Lives passed through her hands, either to live on to perform their duty or to slip away into the unreachable ether that every medical practitioner had learned accept eventually.

It was a doctor’s prerogative to ensure that those under her care were healthy, mentally and physically. Officially, Janet had no say on their state of psychological health—that was McKenzie’s area—but that didn’t stop her from doing what she could. And she didn’t care if that meant stepping on that man’s toes.

So when she heard about Daniel’s engagement to Jack her first thoughts were not that it was a homosexual affair, but that the colonel would break the poor younger man within the first five minutes of intimate contact. Hadn’t Daniel had enough stress in his life?

As the months went by, she held her peace. There was no point cornering Jack if Daniel called the arrangement off before the wedding night. It would be a moot point that had the potential to be awkward. Jack already had little love for the medical ward.

The two certainly seemed to get along as usual, despite the change in their relationship. It was entirely possible that she was misjudging the older man or misreading the whole situation. There was a rumour circulating that all this was simply a botched joke on their end that went too far. Further credence was given to the gossip as Jack was a joker and prior to this, there had been no previous interest shown on either side.

So she waited.

Until the day of the wedding, when she threw caution and prudence to the wind and decided that she had better set Jack straight now, rather than keep her peace and risk Daniel’s peace of mind and health.

Jack had seen her coming, but he was a soldier, and so met her head on. He heard her out, nodded his acknowledgement, and promptly told her to ‘mind her own fucking business’.

Hmm... Alright, she may have deserved that.

And she was willing to do just that, and had been...

“... until Daniel shows up with a four-inch gash across his palm!” she finished, slamming the butt end of her beer bottle down on the gurney with a clang. “And he won’t tell me anything about how he got it!”

Across from her, sitting in another office chair, Samantha made a face.  “Did he look upset?” she asked, concerned.  “I mean, it may have been an accident...”

Shaking her head, Janet waved a hand in the air. “No! He looked smug! So the only thing I can think of is that Daniel got Jack back even worse, but that man hasn’t been in to be treated.” She paused to take another swig, then paused again before imbibing. The bottle lowered... “What if Daniel had to tie Jack down to a chair?”

Sam smacked a hand over her eyes.  “Oh, please, stop right there.  I don’t need that mental image,” she groaned, and slapped the other hand on top of the first.  “Augh.  Too late.  Ewwww.”

Grimacing, Janet made a sound of disgust. “Really, Sam. I didn’t mean that. And I’ve seen both men nude. Jack has more scars than a shrapnel-mine survivor. Back to Daniel though!” she insisted, ignoring the cringe from her friend. “Has he talked to you at all? Jack isn’t answering my emails and his phone is turned off.”

“No, he hasn’t mentioned it,” the blonde replied, shaking her head and pausing to sip her own drink.  “He emailed me the day before yesterday, but that was about something he’s researching.  Didn’t mention Jack at all.”

A fantastic idea occurred to Janet. She almost chided herself. She was a doctor, she shouldn’t be thinking things like that! But still... “Maybe Jack’s dead?”

“Janet!” Sam scolded, looking appalled.  “Don’t say things like that!”  Pause.  “Besides, if he is, then that would make Daniel the murderer—or the person that hid the body.  And he just wouldn’t  _do_  that sort of thing.”

Aw, Sam was so sweet, but... “I’m pretty sure... that if Jack fell down, hit his head, and  _died_ , while Daniel was in one of his books, our wonderful researcher wouldn’t notice until several hours later.”

xXx

“At which point he’d tell someone,” Sam insisted.  She really couldn’t say anything about Daniel’s observational skills, but... he  _would_  notify someone that Jack was dead.  Then she recalled something Teal’c had mentioned.  “Oh, and last time I saw Teal’c, he said he was going to go see them!”

Twisting around, the doctor peered at the far wall behind her. “When was that?” she asked absently, before turning her attention back to the alcohol in her hand. A smug expression crossed her features as she tilted the bottle.

Shaking her head, Sam glanced toward the clock too.  “That was this morning,” she replied.  “I haven’t seen him since then.  But he’d definitely have said something.”

“Hmm... maybe they’re having a private wake in the church,” Janet mused, then pouted. “I  _would_  have gone if invited.” It occurred to Sam that Janet was on her fifth bottle... and had only started at half past seven.

“Janet, I really don’t think he’s dead,” Sam pointed out, giving her friend a worried look.   _Maybe I should stop her from drinking any more._

The other woman sighed and almost in direct defiance to Sam’s best intentions, drained the rest of the bottle. “Pity,” she muttered as she set the empty container down with surprising accuracy. “Ugh, I need water,” the redhead announced abruptly. “I’ll be right back.”

Shoving the chair back, the doctor rolled across the linoleum to the water dispenser in the corner. “Do you want any?” she called back to Sam.

Grimacing, Sam nodded.  “Yeah, sure, please,” she said, brow furrowed as she thought about Daniel and Jack.   _Maybe I should ask Teal’c... just to be sure..._

Standing from her chair, Janet was slowly walking towards the office. “I forgot to change the jug... Water bottles are in the fridge. Hope you’re okay with distilled.”

Sam blinked, but shrugged.  “Oh, yeah, that’s fine.  Thank you,” she said.  “Okay, so anyway.  Maybe we should ask Teal’c?  I mean, he was there earlier.  He could tell us how they’re doing.”

“Sam...” Janet said from the doorway. “I am very drunk. I am not seeing anyone tonight. Much less anyone who still sees me in a respectful, responsible light.  _You_  can go visit him. I should probably go to bed.”

Twisting around to look at her friend, Sam’s brows furrowed.  “Oh.  Alright.  I should go, then.  I’ll let you know how it goes.”  She climbed to her feet and smiled at the other woman.  “You get some rest.”

Lifting a finger, the doctor shook her head. “Hold on a moment.” She disappeared into the office and the sounds of doors and cupboards opening reached Sam’s waiting ears. When Janet reappeared, she held out a bottle of chilled water. “Drink that before bed.”

The blonde accepted the bottle with a smile.  “Thank you.  I will.”

“Thanks for coming by,” Janet smiled back, “and listening to me rant. I’m sure I’m just worried over nothing, but... I’m still worried. It’s just so  _unexpected,_  you know?”

“I know,” Sam agreed with a nod and a twinge of guilt.  “But it’ll work out.  I promise.”

The shorter woman sighed. “I hope so.” Then she straightened with a snort. “Oh, they’ll be fine. Or else Jack really is getting the special prostate exam I’ve been promising him. Complete with ice-cold stainless steel probes.”

Snickering, Sam nodded as she turned away.  “I’ll even help you catch him!  Goodnight, Janet.  Sleep well.”

The doctor chuckled and escorted her to the door. “Goodnight, Sam. Good luck with Teal’c!”

As she left the medical ward behind, Sam found herself wondering what was with  _that_  tone of voice.

xXx

The next morning, the team met in the debriefing room at 10am, directly after Jack and Daniel’s meeting with Hammond.  Daniel waved when Sam and Teal’c joined them, and offered them both a smile.  “Hi, guys.”

Across from the linguist, the colonel merely tipped his head.

“Thank you for coming,” Hammond said, and shook his head.  “I’m sending your team out in an hour to investigate P3X 299.  Air is within Earth standards, jungle environment begins barely two feet from the gate, and extends indeterminably.  Deserted, judging from the recon report received.”  He nudged a folder across the table to Jack with a nod.  “Hopefully, it’ll be a simple mission.”

With a wry smile, Jack rapped a knuckle against his own temple as he flipped the manilla envelope open with his free hand. “Final words,” he muttered.

“How long will we be assigned, sir?” Sam asked, brows furrowed.

“Well, depends on what you find,” Hammond replied.  “We’re hoping to find naquida on the planet.  Dr. Jackson—?”

“Oh!  Right, um...”  The archaeologist reached over to a thin stone tablet that had been sitting on the table, and picked it up.  “Uh, well, this was found by SG-5 on their most recent trip to P5N 322.  It was part of what seemed to be some sort of exhibit—Uh, that is, when P5N 322 was inhabited; it’s deserted now.  Apparently the people there all died out, somehow—”

Hammond gave him a look.  “Dr. Jackson.”

Sheepishly, the translator redirected his attention.  “Um, anyway.  It’s one of the Goa'uld languages—a list of mining planets that had plentiful sources of naquida.”

“So we’re going in... picking up a few samples, and then getting back,” Jack summed up, head cocked to the side. “Is that it?”

From further down the table, Sam also raised her voice. “Pardon me, sir, but wasn't that Ferretti’s mission a few days ago?”

Hammond nodded.  “That’s correct.  Your team will be investigating the next planet on the list.  You’re to watch for hostiles, Goa'uld and natives alike.  If there are any.”

“Sir, what if we find natives?” Daniel piped up.

“The usual.  See if there’s anything to be gained from possible trade, including naquida.”  The general paused and eyed all of them closely.  “Also, I feel it’s my duty to remind you... make sure to consult Dr. Jackson  _before_ accepting food from the natives.”  This was said with a look at Jack, and then Daniel.  “And no more ‘incidences’ like the last one.”

The colonel actually ducked his head and shot the linguist a sly smile. “Aww. But I think we came out on top with that one, didn’t we, Daniel?”

To his credit, the man across from him barely twitched.  He did, however, glare.  “That’s not funny,” he scolded, but wasn’t able to keep his frown under the force of Jack’s smirk.  “Uhg.  Understood, sir.”

Teal’c’s brow quirked, while Hammond pretended not to know about the undertones to that one.  “Good.  Read over the report and be ready to leave in an hour.”

“Yes sir!” Echoed the responses around the table.

“Dismissed, then.”

xXx

Hammond was the first out the door, followed by Teal’c, while Daniel lingered, frowning down at the tablet.  He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  He looked up.  “Oh, uh, Sam.  Hi.  Right, I’ll be along.”  He smiled at her as he scooped the stone up.  “How have you been?”

“I’m good, but do you have a minute?” Sam asked in her most sincere voice. “I’d like to catch up.” The blonde focused on Daniel, but he could also see Jack standing just behind her, eyebrows furrowing.

“Oh, sure,” the archaeologist said, looking surprised.  “What is it?”  He gave her a faintly bemused look.

Giving him a smile and straightening, she stepped back … and into Jack. “Oh! Colonel! Excuse me. You don’t mind do you? I’m just stealing Daniel for a coffee.”

“Of course, I don’t mind,” Jack grumbled, one hand half-raising to smooth over his stomach. “I was only planning on—Never mind. Go have your coffee.” He gave her a narrow-eyed glare, but still nodded to Daniel as he stalked out the door. Daniel was pretty sure he heard a ‘Damn nosey, overbearing...’

Dismissing the colonel, Sam beamed at the last man in the room. “Ready?”

Daniel’s brows lifted, but he nodded.  “Sure,” he agreed slowly, wondering what  _that_  had been about.  “Coffee sounds good.  Uh, but we have to make it quick—I have to stop by my old quarters for tissues before we leave.”

Gesturing to the door, Sam tilted her head. “Your old quarters?” she asked as she followed him out of the room. “Does that mean you and the colonel are rooming together? Permanently?”

“We’re  _married_ ,” Daniel pointed out as they walked.  “Of course.”

Her tone was hesitant as she answered, “Some couples sleep in different bedrooms... And considering that there aren’t many facilities in the base for couples, it may be inevitable to have different quarters.”

The linguist chuckled.  “Your concern is noted, but I’m actually going to be asking the general about it, after we get back.  Jack figures we should do a mission first, you know, to show that it won’t get in the way.”

At this, Sam gave him a searching glance. “So, you two are really okay with this? It’s not too awkward? I mean, the two of you... aren’t really a couple... really. Are you?”

His step faltered, and he blinked at her.  “Oh.”  Pause.  “Actually... yeah.”  He shrugged.  “We’re trying.”

Several steps behind—he actually had to turn—his friend was staring at him with huge eyes. “Back that up... what do you mean by ‘trying’?” she demanded.

“Well, uh...”  He reached up and ruffled a hand through his hair, sheepish.  “When two people like each other... and they’re both consenting adults... sometimes... stuff happens...  and they decide to do more stuff.”  Pause.  “And sometimes more.”

Judging from the strangled sounds emitting from behind the two hands Sam had slapped over her mouth, she understood what ‘stuff’ meant. Her eyes were still huge. Slowly, she lowered her hands. “Daniel?”

Barely managing not to wince, he nodded.  “Yeah?”

A visible shiver worked its way from the top of her crown to her toes. “You are never—Hear me?— _never_  to speak of this again. Not to me. Understand?” She waved a hand as she looked away. “ _Even_  if I ask!”

He couldn’t help a grin at that.  “Sure?” he teased.  “Because you  _did_  ask.”  And he really hadn’t known she could turn that color.

“Oh,  _so_  positive,” she assured him. “I got my answer, thank you very much...” Trailing off, Sam paused, and turned a helpless look on Daniel. She stared at him for a moment.

He stared back, waiting.

Then she shuddered again and shook her head. “Nope. Don’t wanna know! We’re going for coffee. Nice, black, hot caffeine. Obviously, I haven’t had enough of it yet.” Flustered, the woman made the hand motions for ‘Go that way’. “Ignore everything I say. I don’t know what’s good for me right now.”

Daniel chuckled.  “Actually, that reminds me...  I don’t suppose you know who’s going around threatening Jack on my behalf, do you?”  His brows furrowed.  “Apparently, someone’s decided it’s necessary.”

“Just  _one_?” she asked absently, then abruptly blurted: “Coffee!”

He slowed his step as they walked, eying her closely.  “Sam... You realize I can take care of myself, right?” he asked slowly.  “I’m a grown man.  I’ve  _been_  married before.  Hell, I spent most of my married life on another planet.”

The woman carried on for a few more paces before sighing. “We  _know_  you’re an adult, Daniel. And generally... yes, you can take care of yourself.” She smiled weakly in the face of his darkening expression. “That’s not the issue at all.”

“And Jack isn’t going to hurt me,” he added, brows furrowing.  “Ever.  He wouldn’t do that.”

Chewing her lip, Sam dipped her head, but didn’t respond immediately. “In any other situation, I would agree with you, but...”

He threw up his hands.  “What?  What is it?  Why are you people so  _worried_?!” he demanded, fed up.

“We just  _care_ , alright?” Sam burst out. “Jack has never been a caring person and even if he’s a fantastic leader, well, I just don’t see him being gentle!”

“And who said I  _want_  gentle?” he retorted automatically.

The blonde woman went red, then white, then red again. She covered her face with a hand and gave a low sound of distress. “Look, if Jack hasn’t gone in... in  _that_  direction, then this conversation is just moot. Just... Aaauugh. I can’t  _believe_  I’m having this conversation.”

Daniel scowled.  “I can’t believe it’s  _necessary_ ,” he replied irritably.  “Honestly, I think you are being completely unreasonable.  You and... and whoever else it is that... that’s been  _threatening_  my  _husband_.”  He shook his head.  “I don’t have time for this.  I have to get ready.”  He frowned at her.  “I’m going to ask you nicely, because you’re my friend, Sam.  Please stay out of our business.”

Cringing back, Sam nodded quickly. “Sorry, Daniel. It’s just... Okay, no. We were being ridiculous.” She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Can I at least get that coffee for you? We can go over the material together, and, I swear, I’ll think before opening my mouth next time.”

“No, really don’t have time,” he muttered, and sighed.  “Later, though.  And... and apologize to Jack!”  Because his husband was definitely going to be sulking.  “He’s a good man.”  He didn’t deserve the threats.

A very contrite Sam nodded once more. “Okay, I’ll do that.” Lifting her chin, she added, “Right now. I’ll see you later then.” She gave him a tight-lipped smile and marched off... back to the meeting room.

Daniel made a face and turned around, heading his own way.  He  _really_  needed to get  _ready_!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it! The set up for this monster is done!
> 
> Next part in this series will be off-world again with another run in with the natives.
> 
> Teaser:  
> “Oh no...” Jack groaned, turning his head slightly and gesturing with a twitch of his fingers at the lone civilian. Beside him, Teal’c was standing stiff-backed, turned to face the waist-high barrier, only now he was raising his hands in the universal sign of ‘Don’t hurt me’. Jack muttered out of the side of his mouth, “Daniel... You're up. I’m not accepting any more proposals this year.”

**Author's Note:**

> If these characters and their world(s) were mine... I'd be rich. Sadly, I'm still very much the poor writer with a day job.


End file.
